I believe you should live each day as if it is
your last, which is why I don't have any clean
laundry because, come on, who wants to wash
clothes on the last day of their life? --Age 15
Give me the strength to change the things I
can, the grace to accept the things I cannot,
and a great big bag of money.-Age 13
I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun
out of Halloween.-Age 13
I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as
popular a singer as some people think he
should be. Then, I remember it's because he
sucks.-Age 15
For centuries, people thought the moon was
made of green cheese. Then the astronauts
found that the moon is really a big hard rock.
That's what happens to cheese when you leave
it out.-Age 6
My younger brother asked me what happens
after we die. I told him we get buried under a
bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I
guess I should have told him the truth--that
most of us go to hell and burn eternally--but I
didn't want to upset him.-Age 10
I like to go down to the dog pound and
pretend that I've found my dog. Then I tell
them to kill it anyway because I already gave
away all of his stuff. Dog people sure don't
have a sense of humor.-Age 14
As you make your way through this hectic
world of ours, set aside a few minutes each
day. At the end of the year, you'll have a
couple of days saved up.-Age 7
Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop
and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until
she got an unlisted number.-Age 15
It would be terrible if the Red Cross
Bloodmobile got into an accident. No, wait.
That would be good because if anyone needed
it, the blood would be right there.-Age 5
Think of the biggest number you can. Now
add five.Then imagine if you had that many
Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the
biggest number you could come up with!
--Age 6
Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came
upon a man who had no feet. So I took his
shoes. I mean, it's not like he really needed
them, right? --Age 15
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes
and visualize world peace for an hour,
imagine how serene and quiet it would be
until the looting started.-Age 15